Chiller Theater, WWE Smackdown vs. Raw game

Quick update: Hello Dave E, who I just realized has been leaving comments for me here on the blog. I owe you a personal e-mail at some point, I know, on account of I'm a horrible friend. That said, everyone else can line up behind him, because I've been a horrible friend to everyone, frankly, as I move closer to being a complete shut-in.

As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted ... wait, ten days ago? Ten days? Seriously?

What a tailspin of nothingness I seem to be stuck in ... sheesh.

The sad thing is, for the most part, nothing of interest has really happened in the last ten days to write about ... well, almost nothing. What did happen is pretty cool, but more on that in a moment.

Anyway, as I was saying, we walked into the lobby of the hotel only to be surrounded by various social misfits and some of society's odds and ends (my kinda people, actually) who were shelling out probably hundreds of dollars each to meet (semi) celebrities and gather photos and autographs.

Unknowingly, as we did not book the hotel ourselves, we had a room reserved in the very same hotel playing host to Chiller Theater's "October Extravaganza".

The complete guest list is HERE, but some of the highlights of those in attendance:

• Val Kilmer (I thought he was still famous? Still, the star of "The Salton Sea", "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang", and the classic "Tombstone"? In person in Parsippany? What's going on here?)
• Henry Winkler
• Gary Coleman
• Elvira, Mistress of the Dark
• Linda Blair
• Chyna
• Frank Stallone (!)
• Gail Kim and Christy Hemme (if I were better looking and not married ... and taller. And famous. Oh, my, goodness ...)
• Tito Santana
• Ray Parker Jr.

It really was quite the scene. I took two pictures that came out horribly, because we were tired and thrown into this mayhem, and mostly because you couldn't see a thing with so many people crammed into the lobby of the hotel. Trust me, every shitty metal band you ever heard of was represented by someone's t-shirt.

The best part, of course, is that there's another one in May. This time, I'll be prepared! Perhaps I'll wear my 1991 "Clash of the Titans" tour t-shirt, just to make sure I fit in.

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OK, so the neatest thing to happen since last I wrote was that two days ago this year's WWE video game, Smackdown vs. Raw 2008, came out. I've barely played it, because I'm fairly horrible at combat/fighting games, but I have a vested personal interest in getting into it some more.

Thanks to my good friend Bryan, who I thank at every turn (and will continue to do so, long after the game has faded from everyone's memory), I actually wrote some of the commentary and portions of the in-game WWE Magazine "articles" and GM "voice mails" that are used to propel the story lines along.

In fact, because the game expanded to three brands and the announce teams are different from last year, I supplied approximately 4000 lines of dialog that was to be included as "new" commentary. From what I've read on-line and been told from others in the know, unfortunately, THQ apparently had difficulties scheduling the WWE talent to do the recording sessions, so a lot of what I wrote wasn't included in the game. So far as I know, at least. Again, I haven't played through enough to know what was or wasn't used.

If you hear JBL referring to midgets flying with balloons (a Howard Stern reference, for those not in the know) or Watson and Crick (look them up - you should know that one), that was me.

In fact, I wrote a lot of really great stuff, to toot my own horn. Unfortunately, I have a confidentiality agreement with THQ that prevents me from posting all of my work, which I'd love to do because I'm really proud of it. If all goes well, maybe they'll use it in the 2009 version.

So I'm kinda bummed about that.

I'm also a bit disappointed that when I opened the game booklet to look for my name in the credits ... there are no credits!

All of the work, all of the late hours ... and my name's not in the booklet. Granted, nobody's names are in the booklet (not Bryan's, not the game developers', not the programmers'), so I shouldn't feel slighted. It's just kind of a let down, I suppose.

That said, working on the game was a great experience and one I hope to have again, if anyone will hire me as a free-lancer (hint! hint! Send me an e-mail! I'm yours, folks! Just let me know what you need!). I had a blast working on it. Plus, I made some extra cash on the deal, which never hurts, and I have the contract and the spreadsheets as proof that I actually did work on the game and am not spinning tales.

The other kick in the pants is that when you put the game in the console, you can't check the credits there, either. Apparently you have to play through and unlock them, which is really weird, but whatever. As soon as I can beat the game, perhaps my name will be in the scroll and then I can take a screen shot or something.

Anyway, there you go! In the big picture, I did a small fraction of the writing for the game, but it's my first official writing credit, and I'm super-proud of myself, I hafta say.

So check it out, if you're into that sort of thing.

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Speaking of video games, the reasons I haven't played S vs R more yet are threefold:

Guitar Hero III - I'm on the last level on the "hard" setting, but the solo on "Number of the Beast" is killing me, the rhythm section on "Reign in Blood" is killing me, and the pure metalicious speed of "One" is killing me. Literally, my right wrist/forearm start to hurt when I try to get through the duh-duh-duh-duh-DUH duh-duh-duh-duh-DUH part about 75% of the way through the song. Surprisingly (?), I'm kicking ass on the "Cult of Personality" solo. Go me.

Madden 2008 - I'm pretty bad, apparently. I play online almost exclusively and usually get my butt handed to me, but I really don't care. The game is just so good. My record right now is approximately 38-80 or something along those lines, because I'll pick one of my favored teams (Jacksonville, Pittsburgh) and the knucklehead I'm playing against waits until the last second and changes his team to New England. Grr. Now, I love the Pats and always have (I lived through the two-win Scott Zolak years, so I've earned my stripes), but they're ridiculous in that game. It's like having a team full of Tecmo Bowl Bo Jacksons. You can't stop them unless your opponent doesn't know what he's doing - and as a result, if I earn a lead late into the first half, there's usually a great chance the dude I'm playing against will just quit out of frustration. Anyway, if you're a gamer, look me up online and beef up your record . I never quit, no matter how bad the beating is. I have a zero-percent quit rate. :)

Beautiful Katamari - awesome video game weirdness (at a low, low price!). The Katamari games are the first ones I'll recommend to non-gamers looking for a reason to pick up a controller or to parents who want to buy their kids non-violent games. Somewhere down the road I'll have to write an entire post about how great this game is, because it deserves it. It really does.

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For whatever it's worth, the aftertaste of iced Dunkin Donuts Hazelnut coffee with cream and Splenda tastes a bit like soggy fake-buttered popcorn from a second-run movie theater. Maybe it's just me.

bored but lazy; day one, part one

For a guy who currently doesn't have a job, has no friends in the state, and can't reach many "fun" places without a car (when Nicole's off at work), I sure manage not to write a whole hell of a lot.

Sheesh. I'm losing it. Really. Any "edge" I may have had seems to be fading, I fear. I'm sure I can whip myself back into shape with a little effort, but honestly ... every day starts to blur at this point.

I shouldn't complain, of course, because I'm very lucky and I realize it. I managed to save enough money not to be destitute, and Nicole's been great about letting me have all the time and space I need to find a job I'm interested in, given that I've moved cross-country for her career twice now. Still, I need some structure. I need some routine. And man oh man, do I need to find a local gym. Even if I put on my best rock star attitude, jumping around playing Guitar Hero is a sad replacement for actual physical activity (regardless of how fun it actually is).

The thing we're noticing most - and the thing that bothers us most - is the ridiculous change in the cost of living that we're experiencing. Milk is $4.75 or so per gallon. You don't want to know about Orange Juice. And the electric company ...

See, New Jersey's electric system was apparently deregulated a few years ago, which in theory should provide customers with choices regarding who they want to use as their service. Except us, of course, because we live where only one company services our neighborhood. We got our first partial bill (two weeks plus the installation charge), and it was almost as much as our regular Portland bill for a month. The kilowatt hour charge is nearly twice as much, and then there are fees and all this other nonsense ... seriously, it'd be reason alone not to buy a house here.

The neighborhoods around Morristown seem really nice and quiet, and despite the overload of Yankees fan everyone seems incredibly nice, but I can't see why anyone would want to stick around these parts, based solely on the cost of everyday life.

Which, of course, only compounds my issue of needing employment, which I'm just not motivated enough to find just yet ... though I can tell the novelty of sitting around watching DVDs and listening to Howard Stern all day is wearing off.

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A quick story about day one in New Jersey:

The flight from Portland (via Denver) arrived in Newark at about 5:00, roughly on time and just in time for rush hour traffic. Of course, we're fresh off the boat and don't know where we're going anyway, so slower traffic wasn't necessarily a bad thing at that point. We went to the rental agency office to pick up the car that had been reserved for us, but the guy at the desk couldn't locate the reservation in his computer, so Nicole grabbed her printout of the itinerary and rental info, and sure enough, she does have a reservation - in Denver. She didn't make these arrangements herself, of course, and whoever booked everything for her didn't notice, apparently, that we were actually not planning to drive to our final destination from Denver, as lovely a trip as that may have been.

Off to a great start.

Traffic, as expected, was backed up ... right at our exit. The other exits seemed OK, but ours was slooow. If we weren't noobs to the area, perhaps we'd have known alternate routes. We were at Googlemap's mercy, though, so by the time we finally got to the Parsippany Hilton to rest for the night, we were beyond thrilled to find that the parking lot was overfilled, the lobby was teeming with an unusual collection of humanity, and we could barely walk to the elevators with our bags.

You'll find out why in the next post.